- having the controls inline with menu and other functions is straight-up confusing. More so when a piece of software doesn't support this; all of a sudden SOME programs have the controls inline, some don't. This is confusing.
Consistency on the use of (GTK3) Headerbars is also a problem on other distros. Elementary cannot force whether apps will feature a Headerbar or a plain titlebar as those will depend on the app developer's discretion. I agree that some apps' Headerbars become confusing once the dev try to clutter the Headerbar with too much stuff but native elementary apps seems to be modest with just the essentials.
switching corners for the controls isn't an issue for me; completely changing the paradigm of how they function is.
Historically, we have the close button to "quit" an app but on both OSes, but some apps simply "minimizes" itself to the taskbar/dock, some even just remove the dock/taskbar icon but hide on the systemtray/menubar instead. OSX/macOS's unified fullscreen/zoom button is weird. There are some apps that throw the titlebar out of the window altogether and implements their own (*coughs* Steam).
- Why hide the minimize? This is a convention both other OSes use and people understand. Removing it just adds to the clutter of the desktop and does nothing to improve adoption.
I did miss the minimize button for a while but I can always click on the dock icon to minimize it just like what I did to minimizeless windows I have on Windows.
messing with the titlebar controls and UI standards from the two other main OSes makes no sense to me
There is actually no proper UI standards coming from those "main" OSes. But there is a set of real desktop standards that elementary adheres to.
For more info re:initially weird window control placement plus other things, they did provide their reasoning for such decisions:
Personally, switching between OSes (I have Windows 10, macOsmacOS, Arch+openbox, and elementary) has been confusing on the first few days but elementary have me use less clicks and keystrokes compared to others. Elementary, however, might not be simply everyone's cup of tea. You will always be free to install any distro (or build your own) of your choice.